- How to Survivify: Surviving an award show
You've hit the big time, your starring role, your movie screenplay, your special effect effort is being recognized with a nomination. Now all you have to do is survive the award show.
Look on the bright side:
- You could get to walk up to the stage with all eyes upon you.
- If you are lucky, the bully in fifth grade who gave you such a hard time will recognize you and regret stealing your lunch money.
- If you are really lucky, every former boy friend and/or girl friend will see you accept an award and instantly regret the heartbreak they caused you (or forgive you for the heart ache you caused them)
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Tips from the trenches:
- Drink after the event. Unless you are a really funny drunk who doesn't swear, you could find a martini ends your moment in the spotlight badly.
- Write your acceptance speech. It isn't bad luck...it is just bad taste to stumble about with who you want to thank.
- Always thank your spouse. You know why.
- Practice in front of the mirror saying "I'd like to thank the members of the academy for this award"
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Survival kit contents:(replenish as often as needed)
- How to Survivify: A Shark Attack
- How to Survivify: A Tsunami
- How to Survivify: A Powerful Earthquake
- How to Survivify: A Zombie Attack
- How to Survivify: What to Do With Your Inheritance
- How to Survivify: Winning the Lottery