Survivify: Unlikely

How to Survivify: Surviving an award show

You've hit the big time, your starring role, your movie screenplay, your special effect effort is being recognized with a nomination. Now all you have to do is survive the award show.

Look on the bright side:

  • You could get to walk up to the stage with all eyes upon you.
  • If you are lucky, the bully in fifth grade who gave you such a hard time will recognize you and regret stealing your lunch money.
  • If you are really lucky, every former boy friend and/or girl friend will see you accept an award and instantly regret the heartbreak they caused you (or forgive you for the heart ache you caused them)
  • Add one

Tips from the trenches:

  • Drink after the event. Unless you are a really funny drunk who doesn't swear, you could find a martini ends your moment in the spotlight badly.
  • Write your acceptance speech. It isn't bad is just bad taste to stumble about with who you want to thank.
  • Always thank your spouse. You know why.
  • Practice in front of the mirror saying "I'd like to thank the members of the academy for this award"
  • Add one

Survival kit contents:

(replenish as often as needed)

Words of Wisdom

Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.” - Martin Mull